some thoughts on life
Topic: growing up
TOday is the first day of summer. We've already had all the summer weather I cared to see.
But nonetheless, you can't stop it from coming so I guess I'll have to grain and bear it til fall.
A friend reminded me today of the carefree summers of our youths.
One of my favorite past times was lying on my back and looking up at the clouds and trying to see shapes in them. Maybe you did that too.
I don't remember all the heat and humidity then that we have now, maybe it just didn't bother me.
The first few days of vacation were hard to get used to then it was easy street.
Each year we looked forward to the annuals firemans carnival ---always in July but it never failed to be cold and rainy.---GO figure.
I always found ways to amuse myself because I didn't like to go out in the heat and chose to stay inside and watch TV. It was still a fairly new media of entertainment, mostly game shows and soaps durung the day. We only had three networks to choose from too,, So not too many choices to make. But soon, I became bored and as much as I hated school it was something we had to get ready for.
THats something that will never change , kids will always have to go back to school.
But as quick as summer comes, it's over and the leaves will start to turn and then the snow will fly., Then we'll complain about the cold and the ice and snow. Until then, everybody stay cool.
TO BE CONTINUED_-------
bye for now.

some things I think about
Mood:  not sure
Topic: Fathers Day
here it is again. FathersDay!
I never know quite what to do today, as my father died 6 months before I was born.
He died June 25th---only three days after Fathers Day that year. I never even knew him and my only memory of him is a grainy old black and white photo that hung on our living room wall for years.
I was told that the photo never did him justice as he had flaming red hair and the ruddy complexion of an Irish-German mixed heritage.
Each year fathers day was a difficult day to survive.
All of my friends told about what they did for their dads that day.Always rubbing it in that they had a father (kids are cruel without realizing it) while I grew up with only my mom for "guidance" a word that never described anything she said or did to me.---but thats another story!
Each year we would go to the cemetary and she would stand over his grave and weep uncontrollably while I stood there feeling nothing-an act she never forgave.
How could I ????
I never knew him, so it was standing over a strangers grave.Its not true, you know, that you can't miss what you never had.
I did miss him, because my life would've been so much better if he had survived.
My mom wouldn't have been so mean and aggressive toward me if he had been there to keep her happy.
but then , I'm not sure anyone could've done that!---again theres another story.

So what will I do today??? should I go and stand at a strangers grave playing that coulda, woulda, shoulda game in my head????
or should I just pray to God to give me the strength to move on away from my horrible childhood???
I think I'll do the latter. of course writing it all out helps to exorcise these demons inside me.


Well, I think i've rambled long enough, it sure does help to get it out though.

so happy fathers day to all and to all a good night!